sometimes you just need to cry on a curb

Hey, fellow human beings. I hope you're doing well. It's hard to believe, but my second week of college is drawing to a close. (I literally just had to pull out my calendar to make sure. This institution is a vortex).

But yeah. Two weeks of being a college student and I've learned, uh, a few things. About God. About myself. About higher learning stuff. About the south. About southern baptists in general. I've also met some pretty amazing people, to say the very, very least. And we've made some pretty beautiful memories together.

Whether it's been befriending international exchange students/table tennis players named Kevin and teaching them words such as, but not limited to, "skyscraper," "slither," and "venom," going to see horror movies you'll never be able to unsee, traversing the bowels of Mississippi, endless trips to Kroger, attending family barbecues and watching Nicholas Sparks movies, having late-night dorm prayer time, visiting new churches, worshipping God together, going on weekend retreats where you mostly take naps (and cuddle), having spontaneous lunch dates, binging on Netflix, translating accented English teachers, or just simply talking and exposing little bits and pieces of your soul, it's all been a very new, scary, yet lovely kind of perfect.

I have been so blessed these past two weeks. I've met some amazing people and am so excited to see how our lives continue together over the next four years. I've been inspired by my other's intense love for my God and brought to tears from their amusing comments or caring words.

Of course there are always days where you just need to sit on a curb and have a good cry. I'm not going to lie. College is overwhelming (life is too, sometimes). Sometimes all you can feel is loneliness. Not because you're not with people who like you, but because it's still foreign. I'm here but I don't feel comfortable enough to be the crazy, slightly unstable, boisterous girl that I am in central Illinois. Some days you go from class to class not speaking to another human being even though you are surrounded by them just because you're afraid. Afraid of what, I ask?

Don't be afraid.

I'm saying this and there are still days I am. I'm not saying this to get words of encouragement that I'm awesome the way I am or anything; I'm saying this to be real.  I know I have nothing to fear. I have a pretty amazing God on my side. But, yeah, there are still days where I just feel lonely and out of place, foreign

But here's the thing - I'm pretty sure most of the other 600 freshman or so are too. (And probably a couple of sophomores, those wimps. Just kidding). We're all in a brand new world, regardless of how far away "home" is.

Today I felt that way. Lonely in a sea of people. And I could feel it threatening to drag me down, pull me into its despair, but nothing remotely good ever comes from that. So I called my step-dad and was able to talk normally for about 4 minutes before losing it and bursting into half-controlled sobs. I sat down on a curb and cried, talking to him on the phone for 12 more minutes. And he told me exactly what I'm writing now, for the most part. The first few weeks are rough, yada yada, bing bang, but it will get better.

Let's just get a tattoo of that, world.

IT WILL GET BETTER.
If not in this life, on this earth, then after, for sure - if you love Jesus, at least.

So we talked for 16 minutes, I blew my nose into a sweater in my backpack (it took one for the team, my friends), and I said my goodbyes. I stood up, got over feeling sorry for myself, and walked the rest of the way to my Chem teacher's house for a picnic.

My night did get better. I rode in the back of my Chem teacher's car back to campus and talk to some Nice Girls who I hope I run into some day. I went to the dining hall and met two more Nice Girls and chatted with my dorm mates. I went to RUF (no idea what it stands for. I like to make stuff up for it. My favorite is Redeemed Until Friday or Redheads Under Furlow) and worshiped God with my friends. I went to a "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" Lobby party where I got to cuddle on a couch, watch 13 Going on 30, and talk to my new friend Brianna about how cool our God is.

My night got better, yeah, in a great way. Sometimes you just need to cry on a curb - get those yucky feelings and tight-throatness OUT. Breathe deeply, remember how loved you are, and go out into the world believing that life is always beautiful, regardless.

Don't take yourself too seriously.

Snapchat your best friends and your mom.

Call the people who love you.

Eat peanut butter and Captain Crunch Berries Cereal.

Read God's word and thank Him for it all.

And go to bed with a hopeful, peaceful heart.

"And a highway shall be there and it should be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean shall not pass over it. It shall belong to those who walk on the way; even if they are fools, they shall not go astray . . . And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away" (Isaiah 35:8, 10).